Written by Dr. Sanjay Paul

Homer looked out of his office window. From his perch on the highest floor in the Hoover Center for Business, he could see masses of people moving towards him. It was Tuesday afternoon, and the great campus migration had begun.

In recent weeks, the nation has been transfixed by the movement of a caravan of migrants, as thousands of men, women and children flee violence and poverty in Honduras in hopes of reaching America.

But the migration to Hoover is different. The migrants, if they can be called that, earn decent incomes and live in largely peaceful places like Nicarry, Masters and Alpha. They are highly educated, with most possessing PhDs. They are well read, and in their ranks are accomplished writers, playwrights and musicians.

But yet they keep coming to Hoover.

This had to stop, thought Homer. After all, if you do not have effective borders, what sort of building do you have? And who knows what kinds of problems these migrants might be bringing to our shores? They might be harboring seditious ideas from the arts, sciences and the humanities departments. They might want to occupy our classrooms, and even our offices.

By this point, Hoover had already imposed an entry tax on migrants. Visitors from academic buildings had to pay a 15 percent tax, while residents of Alpha qualified for a lower, 10 percent, tariff. After all, thought Homer, you had to tread lightly with the powerful administrators of Alpha Hall.

But the Hoover policy had resulted in a tariff war. Other buildings soon imposed equivalent entry taxes of their own on visitors from Hoover. In a personal blow to Homer, even Blue Bean, hitherto a neutral party, had imposed a 15 percent tax on scones for Hoover customers.

Within days, travel between Hoover and other buildings had fallen sharply. But, the Tuesday migration still occurred. Homer then decided it was time to up the ante.

He went to the chair of the business department.

Professor Chris-Tina Corker was in a good mood. She had just finished preparing the course schedule for the next semester. It was no easy task, with her colleagues clamoring for this particular classroom or that favored time slot.

They would crowd her office, they would accost her in the hallway. They would plead, they would cajole, they would argue. They would throw temper tantrums, even send her unpleasant emails.

So it was good to be done with the course schedule.

And now here was Homer, babbling about restricting immigration.

“The tariff policy has not worked,” said Homer. “We need to do something more.”

“Yes?”

“The nuclear option.”

There was silence in Professor Corker’s office, the phrase hanging heavy in the afternoon air. They both knew what it meant. The business department’s strategic plan laid out steps to limit immigration into Hoover.

Civil liberties would be curtailed. Dissent would be stamped out. Minorities would be sent to detention centers, euphemistically called re-education camps. The Etownian would be denounced as the enemy of the people. Friendly judges would be appointed to the judicial council. Entry taxes would be imposed on visitors from other buildings.

But if all these failed, there was the last resort.

The nuclear option.

A private Security Force would be hired to guard the entrances to Hoover. The side doors would be closed. Armed guards would set up an immigration desk at each of the two main doors. They would check for proper documents. Visitors would be required to hand over their phones, along with passwords.

They would also be subject to extensive questioning. Had they ever called for the overthrow of the business department? Had they written critical pieces about the department on social media? Had they said anything derogatory about the business faculty? Had they ever written op-eds for the Etownian? Had they ever been members of the communist party?

Corker and Homer knew that the backlash from the rest of the people on campus would be swift. After all, faculty meetings were held in Hoover on Tuesday afternoons. And now they would have to be moved to a different location.

But Hoover was under an existential threat. When you had philosophers, psychologists and mathematicians entering Hoover with barely a check, infecting the business faculty with dangerous ideas, clearly something had to be done.