April Fools’ Edition

  • Home
  •  
  • April Fools’ Edition
  • Schlosser Shenanigans: residents seek new homes

    Schlosser Shenanigans: residents seek new homes

    The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real.   On March 28, the Elizabethtown College Schlosser Residence Hall was due for health inspection checks but failed to receive clearance because of multiple mycotoxins, such as trichothecenes, discovered around the Schlobby. If

    READ MORE
  • The College adds new influencer studies degree

    The College adds new influencer studies degree

    The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real.   Elizabethtown College recently put out a list of new majors that they are adding to the course catalog, and one of them is the new influencer studies degree! The influencer studies degree

    READ MORE
  • Global Perspective: Etown adds new study abroad program in Antarctica

    Global Perspective: Etown adds new study abroad program in Antarctica

    The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real.   Do you absolutely love the cold? Do you love to travel and go on adventures? Do you want to go to a place that few people have ever visited? If you answered

    READ MORE
  • Etown embraces new cryptocurrency JayCoin

    Etown embraces new cryptocurrency JayCoin

    The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real.   Kids these days think college is so old-school. Well not anymore. Elizabethtown College announced a transformative measure this week with the introduction of the JayCoin, a school-sponsored cryptocurrency. Students will be able

    READ MORE
  • Etown students campaign to become the College’s new president

    Etown students campaign to become the College’s new president

    The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real.   As the academic year inches closer to ending, the long-anticipated elections for Elizabethtown College president are finally kicking off with three contenders running for the position. Each of the candidates have comprehensive

    READ MORE
  • Biology department successfully clones the beloved Truman

    Biology department successfully clones the beloved Truman

    The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real.   So we all know Truman, right? That cute labradoodle who walks around campus allowing everyone to pet him? And I mean, let’s be honest here, is there anything better than petting Truman?

    READ MORE
  • Best and worst places I’ve not worn shoes on campus

    Best and worst places I’ve not worn shoes on campus

      Look, I’m sure you’ve all been wondering about this for a long time, so I’ll finally break it down for you. Welcome to the Etownian’s official ranking of the worst to best places to be on the Elizabethtown College Campus without wearing shoes. For the record this listing is only considering places while wearing

    READ MORE
  • Rating quarantine hobbies

    Rating quarantine hobbies

    Now, it’s been a year since COVID-19 was declared a global pandemic by the World Health Organization and for all the time we’ve spent socially distanced, coping methods are key to thriving as a college student in a pandemic. So, as a self-proclaimed expert on quarantine hobbies (as it seems as though I’ve collected them

    READ MORE
  • An interview with Mushroom Cat

    An interview with Mushroom Cat

    At the end of the hall in Ober Dormitory resides a rather unique campus figure. Mushroom Cat is a junior mycology major who brings a unique perspective to the Elizabethtown College campus. With her signature peace sign necklace and a classic “hippie” style, Mushroom Cat sticks out on her walks to class. Today our College

    READ MORE
© Copyright 2019 — The Etownian. All Rights Reserved.