April Fools’ Edition
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- April Fools’ Edition
Horoscopes: What reality check does your sign desperately need to hear?
- April Fools' Edition
- March 30, 2023
Hey, Blue Jays! We’re heading into a new month this Saturday, which is the perfect opportunity to click reset and start anew. So, what should your sign keep in mind as we start April? Use your sun, moon and rising signs for the most well-rounded reading! Aquarium- Remember those thirty new hobbies you picked up
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Club Feature: UFO Club’s close encounter
- April Fools' Edition
- March 30, 2023
Last Thursday, March 23, around 12:25 p.m., a large, chrome-colored rotating disc slowly appeared through the clouds above Lancaster County and gently touched down in front of Alpha Hall. A low, penetrating hum rang through the nearby buildings, and blinking, multicolored lights illuminated the ground beneath the saucer. Nearby Elizabethtown College students who were walking
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Etown professors replaced by robots
- April Fools' Edition
- March 30, 2023
As of late, a major crisis has swept across the Elizabethtown College campus: all Etown professors have been replaced by AI-generated robots! Many questions have arisen as a result of this shocking development. In search of the seedy underbelly of this issue, one of the ousted professors, Nicole Shoemaker, shared the scoop on why robots
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Today’s Technology: The College offers Metaverse study abroad program
- April Fools' Edition
- March 30, 2023
Inspired by the many companies embracing advancements in technology and artificial intelligence (AI), Elizabethtown College has joined the bandwagon, now offering a study abroad program through the Metaverse. Created by Facebook’s parent company Meta, the Metaverse is a virtual reality (VR) space of people parallel to the real world. In turn, individuals are able to
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Ghost Hunting begins at Elizabethtown College
- April Fools' Edition
- March 31, 2022
The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real. The night that Elizabethtown College grad student Becca Russell was assigned to patrol the art exhibit in Leffler Chapel, she assumed the bathroom would be a place to simply do her business
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Etown Basketball joins March Madness
- April Fools' Edition
- March 31, 2022
The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real. The Elizabethtown College Blue Jays have made an unexpected run in this year’s March Madness basketball tournament. Due to a unique clause in NCAA rules, the Division III Etown team was granted
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Easter Bunny races against Etownian mascots
- April Fools' Edition
- March 31, 2022
The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real. Earlier this week, before an injury, the Easter Bunny ran in a footrace against the mascots of the Etownian, including Marvin the Monkey, Domino the Horse, Cate the Cat, and Rory the
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Community Living to host campus-wide paintball tournament for housing selection
- April Fools' Edition
- March 31, 2022
The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real. This weekend on Saturday, March 33, Elizabethtown College’s Community Living will host a paintball tournament for better housing selection lottery numbers. The tournament will run from dawn until whenever a winner is
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Wheels vs. Doors
- April Fools' Edition
- March 31, 2022
The following article is part of an April Fools’ Edition of The Etownian: the stories are fake the but interviews/quotes are real. Over the past decade or so, the world has been captivated by numerous internet debates. One of the most infamous internet debates was the “what color is the dress?” debate; is it
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