I am a self-proclaimed film buff, film geek, movie nerd; you name it, it’s me! I own over 800 movies, which line the ceiling of my bedroom, so when I was given the opportunity to do a movie review, I jumped on it. Movies are sort of my thing: I eat, breathe and sleep films.

I was given the choice of four movies, and I chose to watch “Lockout.” I decided on this movie after watching all four trailers and thinking, “Oh my god! This is horrendously clichéd!” I was watching the trailer, and it struck me as your run-of-the-mill action flick. There are a bunch of baddies, and the good guy has to out them in their place and or save someone. But the line that made me laugh out loud was when Guy Pierce (the lead actor, who I recognize from “Memento” and, more recently, “Hurt Locker”) says, “I have to save the President’s daughter [from the revolting prison in outer space].” Don’t get me wrong. I love action movies, but let’s face it. “The Expendables” didn’t win any Oscars for a reason.

All I can say about this movie is: “Dumb!” This is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, and I like bad movies— I thoroughly enjoyed the Nick Cage abomination “Drive Angry.” The basic premise of “Lockout” is that Guy Pierce’s character, Snow, is framed for murder and treason during a double cross with the government in 2079. He is sent to space to save the president’s daughter from a prison space station and meet with his partner in crime to clear his name, but then a renegade group of Scottish criminals causes problems. They want the president’s daughter so they can leave, making it difficult for Snow to make his way out of the prison, but then they have eight hours before it falls out of orbit and smashes into Washington, D.C.

I am a movie fan and I enjoy lousy movies sometimes, but this was not enjoyable. The acting was terrible, the humor was sub-par and the effects were beyond laughable.

Producer Luc Besson hasn’t failed me yet. He had my attention with the 1994 film “Leon” staring Jean Reno and Gary Oldman (one of my favorite actors of all time). Then he followed with “The Fifth Element,” another Gary Oldman-laced film. Besson directed those films and only produced this one, which might have been its downfall, although I don’t think anything could’ve saved this film. The only thing that I enjoyed in this movie was the character Hydell, a Scottish criminal who is utterly insane. Mesmerizingly portrayed by Joseph Gilgun, he was brilliant and I loved every moment he was on screen.

Aside from Gilgun, the acting was terrible. Peter Stormare (a Swedish actor) used a terrible American accent, Maggie Grace screamed her head off, and Guy Pierce attempted his best Brad Pitt impression the entire movie.

“Maggie Grace [the president’s daughter] had better acting in ‘Taken’ when she was drugged and unconscious,” first-year Jennifer Gifford said.

The humor was also terrible. Every time something happened to complicate the situation, Snow would make a stupid comedic comment. There was a scene where he was supposed to jump a large ventilation shaft and he replied with, “Sorry, I left my cape at home.” Nobody laughed. There was a scene where some of the prisoners murder a guard on camera and one of the police officers watching the murder very unsubtlely said, “oh, good reality TV.”

The best way to describe him is the “Outer Space Jack Sparrow.” Every time he turned a corner he would get hit in the head with something; he tried to be good with the ladies, he tried to be humorous— the key word about his acting is tried.

There was nothing original about this movie. Everything was a rip off of another movie, only not done as well. In one scene, Snow has to put a needle into a woman’s eye to resuscitate her, and the scene tries its best to be the adrenaline scene from pulp fiction, only it wasn’t any good.

They were in a prison filled with 500 convicts, who were accidentally freed, but we are dealing with only nine of them. They didn’t even have a plan; they were accidentally let out and they took command.

There are plot holes inside of plot holes that make the “Transformers” plot holes look like little inconsistencies. The president’s daughter is shot in the leg and for half of the movie the main concern is that she is losing blood, but with all of the advanced technology in the movie, you would think they would have something to stop her bleeding. They have flying cars and space trips but government secrets are stored on a mini SD card that you could find in your cell phone today.

I took my girlfriend to this movie and I took her to Rita’s afterward as an apology. She and I sat down after the movie and she had just as many gripes as I did. I strongly recommend not seeing this atrocious film. Speaking with sophomore Chad Rice, he so delicately put it:

“Dude, you saw the trailer. You got what you deserved.”