Have you ever had a fight with your best friend? Or maybe you’ve fought with your sibling over who gets the last slice of pizza? No matter what the situation, people are always finding reasons to be mad, which tends to lead to an argument. Believe it or not, communication is something that needs to be learned if our community wants to strive to stop conflict and aim for a more peaceful world. During his presentation, “Conflict Management for Student Leaders and Beyond” held Jan. 29, Jon Rudy addressed conflict issues, giving people in the audience a better understanding of how to overcome arguments, and how to reach a more peace-related goal.
Rudy began the seminar by splitting the large group into two smaller subgroups. He then held up an orange and explained how it was necessary for both groups to have it. Without the other group knowing, they were each given two different scenarios as to why they needed the orange in their possession. There were arguments, defenses and voices of reason throughout the room. Eventually, the groups came to an agreement that they could both get what they needed from the same orange. A few minutes into the presentation, Rudy demonstrated that communication is vital. With communication and understanding of the opposite situation, the argument was able to cease, and both groups were left happy.
After his example, Rudy went on to describe how conflict is experienced in three key ways: perception, feeling and action. As humans, it is natural to feel these emotions. Rudy stated, “Conflict brings in a whole range of emotion. When we think about conflict we think about things that are both visible and invisible, like an iceberg.” The thing that we can see, or the iceberg above the water, is behavior. On the other hand, things that lay underneath are the invisible part: underlying interests, attitude, context and assumptions. Sometimes we don’t know why other people react the way they do, but it is assumed that it is because of the resurfacing of underlying feelings.
There are also physical reactions to conflict, which Rudy describes to be flight, fight or other. What happens when you get angry? Possibly you tense up, your heart might race or your face turns bright red. These trademarks of anger are our bodies’ way of preparing for either fight or flight. One of our choices is to dismantle the energy. Rudy suggested that taking three deep breaths allows for the process of decision to become much clearer.
Along with knowing the background information of conflict situations, it’s interesting to know what conflict style you are. Rudy went through five different style types during the seminar.
The Shark, who is the competitive type, has high concern for self and low concern for others. Their modes usually consist of control, insisting and outwitting.
The Turtle usually withdraws and flees from a conflict situation. Their motto is “Leave well alone,” and their concern for themselves is low.
Next, the Owl is the collaborative type, which means they are problem solvers and take the chance to gather information. Their motto is, “Two heads are better than one.”
The Bear is the accommodator, which means they are soothers, supporters and pleasers. They usually are the ones to give in during a conflict and have a low self-concern.
Last but not least is the Fox, who is the compromiser. The fox has the thought of “Let’s make a deal” and has the tendency to bargain, split the difference and meet others in the middle.
It is important to know which conflict style you are so that you are aware of how you act and aware of how others are capable of acting. For diverse situations, many different conflict styles can be portrayed.
Rudy showed the audience that greater trust, improved communication and increased capacity can allow for people to have the ability to handle larger conflicts. How do we transform ourselves? Knowing ourselves, and not involving and absorbing the anger of others. We can also learn listening skills and adopt a non-judgmental attitude. Rudy believes that “the only control we have is over our own attitude!”
Elizabethtown College offers our own Peer Mediation Program, where people can reach out to receive guidance and set goals so peace can be obtained. It is 100 percent confidential and is looking for people who are interested in joining. Senior Jess Swank, an attendee of the program, commented about conflict: “My best advice would be to always be non-judgmental, take a step back, and put yourself in people’s shoes. Everyone has a reason for their actions, find it and meet in the middle.”
So, the next time you see yourself about to get mixed up in a bad argument, remember Rudy’s advice: “Learning to communicate effectively may take some practice but in the end it will make us more peaceful persons and enhance our capacity to resolving conflict and live peacefully and harmoniously.”