It’s hard to graduate college without making connections. Whether they’re in classes, clubs, or just walking around campus, students interact with each other on a regular basis; deeper relationships, both platonic and romantic, are bound to form. What is difficult, however, is forming and keeping relationships that will benefit students.

In July of 2014, 18-year-old Conrad Roy committed suicide; almost a year later, Carter, his girlfriend, was tried and charged with involuntary manslaughter for a series of texts she sent encouraging him to do it.
This February, a Massachusetts judge ordered her to begin serving her sentence.

From an outsider’s perspective, Carter and Roy’s relationship was obviously unhealthy—but for those in relationships like that, it’s hard to see it as such.

With Valentine’s Day having come and gone, and with Michelle Carter now serving her sentence, now’s the perfect time for Elizabethtown College students to reflect on their own relationships and whether they’re healthy.

According to a 2010 study done by Knowledge Networks, 70 percent of college students who were in unhealthy relationships did not realize that the relationship was abusive.

Many Etown students believe that things such as trust, honesty and communication make a relationship healthy.

“If you have a lot of disrespectful communication, then [relationships] don’t go well,” senior Aiden Helm said. “You need respect first.”

Although these are all important, there are many other factors that go into making a relationship healthy.

According to the One Love Foundation, some other components of a healthy relationship include independence, equality and compassion.
A truly healthy relationship should be the agreed convergence of two interested individuals.

They both have lives outside each other; when they are together, they are honest with one another and they both put the same amount of effort in. Their relationship moves at the pace that they are both comfortable with.
“Creating healthy relationships is a lifelong process,” Counseling Service Staff Counselor Jennie Melchior wrote in an email.

“Paying attention to, and valuing, how you feel in your relationships will give you important information to assess if they are healthy or not.”
But how can you tell if a relationship is unhealthy or not?

Poor communication and over-dependence can sour any relationship, but those are only a few of the many indicators.

According to the One Love Foundation, toxic relationships may involve partners encouraging your isolation from others or refusing to take responsibility for their negative actions.

If you’re scared of angering your partner due to their past outbursts, or if you’re made to do things, then your relationship is unhealthy.

When a person “wields power and control over the other—emotionally, physically and/or sexually,” an unhealthy relationship becomes an abusive one, Melchior wrote.

A person may feel loved in an abusive relationship, but still devote most of their time to ensuring their partner’s happiness on the threat of violence, emotional harm or suicide.

From the outside, it can be difficult to tell if a relationship is unhealthy.

According to Melchior, if a friend starts to withdraw from other relationships, appears emotionally unwell or tells you that their mental health has suffered after entering a relationship, it could mean that they’re in a toxic relationship.

If you think this is the case, then according to the One Love Foundation, the first step is to talk to them about it. Unless your friend is in immediate danger, students should never bring them to counseling or call Campus Security without their permission.

Instead, students should make sure they know what resources are available, and then let them decide on their own to get help.

At Etown, Counseling Services is always open to discuss relationship concerns students have. Students can schedule an appointment in room 216 of the Baugher Student Center or call 717-361-1405.

Students can either sign up for an individual counseling session or join group sessions with others in similar situations. Students can also go to the WELL and ask an on-duty Student Wellness Advocacy Group (SWAG) member for information or for a referral to someone who can help them out.

Aside from these resources, most other campus programs seek to prevent unhealthy relationships before they happen, according to senior Hannah Burleigh.

Burleigh has four years of experience working in the WELL, and leads “It’s on Us,” a recently created club that raises awareness of sexual assault.
The Office of Student Wellness tries to hold at least one event a month related to student relationships.

They hold events for domestic violence awareness in October, as well as for sexual assault awareness in April. In the past, Etown has also hosted escalation workshops that teach students to identify relationships that become abusive.

Over the years, Etown has increased its focus on fostering healthy student relationships.

Burleigh especially appreciates how they’ve brought the discussion to first-years—the most recent orientation was the first time “It’s on Us” was able to participate—but thinks they can always do more.

“I don’t think you can ever do enough [to raise awareness],” Burleigh said. “You’re never going to reach absolutely everyone.”

This April, students can look forward to SWAG and “It’s on Us” raising awareness of sexual violence.

In the meantime, Melchior recommends that students take a break from the constant closeness of college life to spend some time on their own.

“Having a healthy relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you can work on while you’re in college!” she said.