Dear Sarah,

My roommate is kind of a slob. I love her dearly, but she does NOTHING around our room. I’ve tried to drop her some “not so subtle” hints, but she’s not picking up. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Living in a dump

Dear Dump-ster Diver (see what I did there?)

Listen, for some people “subtle” is a flashing neon sign of a pig splashing in mud, with “WE LIVE IN A PIG STY” spelled out in balloons. Hinting is great for birthday presents and test questions, but not so much for meaningful communication with those whom we spend our time. I suggest, very casually, bringing up a roomie meeting, just to talk about some things as the school year starts up. Pick a time and a day that’s good for both of you, maybe make some popcorn, and just talk it out. Don’t be all up in her business,  don’t point fingers at anyone, just explain what you look for in your living space, what you are aiming to bring to the table as a roommate, and allow her to do the same. Just be chill, and then you and Honey Boo-Boo can go and get an Egg Jay or whatever you do as roomies. Talking about it will, seriously, save you a lot of trouble in the future.

Also, if you do this and things still aren’t getting better, go to your RA and get this stuff written up in a formal roommate agreement. Or do the neon pig sign idea. I know a guy.

Dear Sarah,

I recently confided something extremely personal and private, that I’ve only ever discussed with a professional counselor before, to a very close friend. They swore up and down that they would never tell another soul. I discovered she told her boyfriend about it and he keeps bringing it up. I’ve tried to get him to stop but he won’t. All it does is makes me cry when my friend apologizes. Is it ok for me to just not want to be their friend anymore?

–          Hurt and Confused

Dear Hurt,

Yes, it is totally ok to not want to be friends anymore. Your feelings are valid, and you have every right to decide who deserves to be in your life, and how close, and how long. It’s acceptable to feel you need to distance yourself from people. It is equally acceptable to say to your friend: “I would really appreciate if you didn’t bring Dirk McJerkFace (not his real name, I assume) to hang out anymore, as he doesn’t respect me or my feelings” and explain why. It is also equally acceptable to say to your friend “I really need some time apart from you and our friendship, maybe for a little bit, maybe for a while” and explain why. The only thing that isn’t acceptable is to simply boot people out of your life sans explanation. Talking could help you two come to an agreement. An end to your friendship could make the both of them realize how deeply they’ve hurt you, and could also make you learn some really important stuff about yourself. I do think that this is something that you should think over, but do you, you know?

Keep those questions rolling, my dears! And don’t forget to check out the questions I’ve answered at etownianadvice.tumblr.com! Maybe drop me a line yourself!