Written by Harper Ferree, Emotional Support Animal
I’m only talking to you because you’ve promised me a big bowl of grapes after this. The red kind, not the nasty green ones! I like the finer things in life, you know. I’ll only eat leaves that are the right length, red grapes and music sheets with lots of tasty notes.
I’m Harper, and according to my parent and a lot of fact books with pictures, I am a guinea pig. That can’t be right, though. I’m too pretty to be a pig, of all things. My coat is a shiny and beautiful black. I keep the little fringe on top of my head in perfect condition through a lot of grooming and forcing Emmett to pet me. Not a hair out of place!
I haven’t lived at Elizabethtown College very long, but I really enjoy it. There are a lot of animals running around at Emmett’s parents’ house, so I like our little room here because I am naturally the center of attention. Emmett doesn’t give himself enough credit sometimes, but he is a fantastic dad. I had a not-so-fantastic set of moms and dads for a little while, so Emmett is five-star service compared to those delinquents. I have a huge cage lined with soft bedding, many places to climb and little toys everywhere. Believe me, room service comes every day, otherwise I’d pitch a fit!
My dad is a little nervous and sometimes likes to pace around his cage trying to get things done. I have to squeak at him pretty loudly to get him to remember the little jangly metal things and tiny T.V. he carries everywhere. Still, he’ll forget them sometimes. Was I not sqeaking loudly enough? Luckily he has me to take care of, and that seems to make him calm. He also has so many friends, and they do what I do when I have too much energy: run around throwing things until they’re all tired out!
That’s somewhat true. Mostly they play the games where you have to put little tasty plastic bits on a flat piece of paper with lines all over it. Most of these have drawings of monsters, wizards and other freaky things on it. Emmett might be a magician. That’s fine, as long as I don’t get pulled out of a hat!
If Emmett is a magician, I think he might be a “bard.” It’s this guy he talks about that does magic by playing music. Emmett plays so much music. There are strings and papers and sounds everywhere most of the time. I’m just grateful he hasn’t brought the big crashing plates and bang-pots home yet. I’d never have any peace! He’s always talking about how fun it is to teach other people to play them and play in groups. I can’t even count the number of groups he’s in on one paw: jazz band, orchestra and percussion ensemble. I don’t know what half of them mean, so I’m just rolling with it.
From what all his friends say, he’s also is something called a “Shakespeare.” He writes plays and sometimes puts on funny outfits to be in the plays. Come to think of it, there’s not a lot he doesn’t do. There’s lots of reading and playing and music-making. Obviously, he’s training to be a very good guinea pig keeper as well. He always keeps the cage clean and pets me for hours on end. He almost always feeds me the right grapes, too.
