Oh, Hello! Who are you? May I sniff your hand? Gotta make sure you don’t stink before you try to touch my pretty fur! My name is Elphaba Rose, or Elphie for short. I respond to lots of names though… Miss Lady, Felphie, Mr. Fluffles, Bellie, Silly Baby, Little Girl, Stinky Butt, Miss Rose, Pretty Kitty, Elbow and pretty much anything my mommy or roommates say with love in their voice.

I’m three years old and I have a very cool job. I’m sorta like a therapist. When my mommy doesn’t feel good, I cheer her up. From what I gather, this whole college thing is kinda a big deal and very stressful. Sometimes mommy gets sad or sick or stressed and it doesn’t seem fun at all so I talk to her and rub my face on her until she’s all better. I take my job very seriously. I once figured out how to open the bathroom door to get to my mommy. I don’t trust that bathroom… highly suspicious. I’ll even help my other roommates too when I can! They’re not my mommy, but I think everyone should be happy like me.

Life isn’t all work though, I have lots of super fun hobbies! I like to sit in the window to watch birds every single day, from sunrise to sunset. My favorite time to look for birds is the fall because I can run from window to window to chase the leaves. But sometimes when I’m looking for birds and leaves, I see outside cats! And I have to tell my mommy right away so she can make sure they don’t come into my house.

Mommy likes to tell people my favorite toys are garbage. I disagree; they’re just repurposed! Besides, those ones aren’t even my favorite. My favorite is hair ties. I borrow them from my mommy and roommates and I put them on my paw and throw them and chase them. I’m very smart and self sufficient. I even redecorate all by myself when I move boxes and pictures and books and paper around for better ambiance.

I don’t always play alone, though. Mommy and my roommates got me a bunch of stuffed animals for my birthday! They throw them so I can catch them and rub my face on them while I roll around on the floor. Rolling on the floor is so fun. People say I’m a chunky kitty but that’s okay because I can roll around like a rollie pollie! There’s no better way to be than rollie.

Now don’t think I’m all cute and cuddly; I love doing bunny kicks. I put my belly in the air because I know humans can’t resist the warm floof. Just when they’ve been petting my belly long enough to be safe… BOOM! I hold their wrist by my face with my paws, I kick my back legs against their arm as fast as I can, and I chomp and chew their defenseless hands! They love it, which is weird because I’m supposed to be scary. Humans are weird like that.

As weird as they are, I love my humans. They watch movies with me, make me comfy beds out of old boxes and baskets, buy me super cool presents, give me yummy treats, tell me I’m pretty, give me soft blankets and a whole bunch more. My favorite thing in the whole world is sleeping with my mommy at night. I really like taking naps with my roommates too. We all snuggle up, get nice and warm and drift peacefully off to sleep.

Well, at least until I need my 2 a.m. pets 😉