For people like me, the coming of spring means more than just melting snow and warmer, longer days. I, like many, have seasonal depression. Getting through the winter seems impossible to me. As the weather changes and cools, my mood takes a nose dive. Often, I struggle just to get out of bed in the morning.
“I hate the cold,” I always say. It’s not really the cold I hate. Winter seems endless, and the holidays bring only fleeting, superficial joy.
From November through February, I quiet myself and withdraw, preferring not to go out or see anyone. I fear being a downer and a burden to my friends. Listlessly, I binge-watch entire series on Netflix. I bundle up and try to distract myself from the horrible hopelessness that I feel.
I feel empty, worthless. I look forward to a sunny, hot summer that feels as though it will never come. My laundry builds up and my dishes go unwashed, much to my roommate’s displeasure. I can’t seem to find the energy, no matter how hard I try.
Homework goes undone and classes are skipped, and I am ashamed. I’m too ashamed to own up to what’s going on inside my head. I hide from the world.
Although it’s the shortest month, February has always been the most difficult for me. It is the last month before things start to turn around, and it’s endless. I hate how dark and cold it is, and I want nothing to do with it. I have to suffer through it.
March has come now, and as the days grow warmer, my mood lifts. I can feel spring coming and know that summer is not that far away anymore. I’m more likely to go to my classes, motivation to do my homework magically appears, and “spring cleaning” is cleaning out the nastiness in my mood as well as my room.
Since it’s started to warm up, my mood has lifted. I feel more social. It’s easier to get out of bed, I’m making it to more of my classes, which is good for my grades. My homework is getting done. I’m reading more, and watching less TV, I’m taking better care of myself.
March is the beginning of something new for me. I’m looking forward to spring and summer, happy to be free of the emptiness, and happy to not have to fight to stay awake and engaged in what’s going on around me. I’m ready to embrace my surroundings again.
Seasonal depression, also known as seasonal affective disorder or SAD, is depression that is tied to the seasons. According to Mayo Clinic, the timing is the same year-to-year. Most people with SAD experience symptoms throughout fall and winter, but some experience them in the spring and summer. Treatments include light therapy, psychotherapy or medications.
It’s also quite common to experience severity like I do, starting mild and becoming worse through the season.
SAD is a subtype of major depression, and winter and summer onset SAD have different symptoms. In addition to the symptoms of major depression, winter-onset SAD symptoms include social problems and hypersensitivity to rejection, oversleeping and craving carbohydrate-heavy foods. Summer-onset SAD symptoms include insomnia, weight loss and anxiety.
While everyone experiences “off days,” it is important to see a doctor if you experience long-term symptoms that last weeks on end. Elizabethtown College has Counseling Services open to students. According to the Counseling Services website, “offices are located in the Baugher Student Center, Suite 216. Appointments can be made in person or by calling 717-361-1405. For emergencies after 5:00 p.m. or over the weekend, call Campus Security at 717-361-1111 for immediate assistance.”
If you are feeling suicidal, please reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255.
