Sean Deutsch shares his opinions on a variety of subjects over his senior year as the Etownian's humor columnist.
It is finally October. A time when the leaves are changing and the weather is turning. And there is one thing on every college student’s mind: “What am I going to be for Halloween?”
Personally, I feel like I have grown out of Halloween over the years. The idea of dressing up in a costume just doesn’t tickle my fancy anymore. However, I think we can all admit that Halloween is a very different experience for each of us depending upon how old we are.
Halloween is the greatest holiday as a kid. You get to walk around with your friends dressed as your character of choice while going door to door making strangers give you candy just because you rang their doorbell and uttered those three magical words, “trick or treat.” That is almost as great as believing a fat, bearded man flies to most kids’ houses in the world delivering presents while having the time to take a break at each house and eat cookies (talk about the world’s biggest stomach ache).
Then I feel like every kid goes through that phase where mischief night is ten times more important than the actual Halloween night. Who can forget those nights going ding-dong-ditch-ing around the neighborhood, tricking all your elderly neighbors into answering the door to an exploding stink bomb (yeah, not too proud of this one). Now, whenever I see a house tepee’ed, I just hope it’s not double ply toilet paper (that would be such a waste).
Now that we are older though, Halloween has gone through a major paradigm shift. It has become a lot more… how do I put this… um…adult, if you will. And the biggest change of course is the costumes.
Costumes as a kid were always very simple. Girls were princesses or fairies and boys were superheroes (and then there was always that weird kid who was way too excited to dress as a girl every year). As we got older though, this all began to change.
Women will generally now try to take the most wholesome professions or characters and turn them into the sexiest version they can think of. I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding this, but if a woman wants to be a sexy police officer, go for it. Just don’t complain to me when you are freezing cold and your feet hurt from wearing your unnecessary 15-inch heels.
Most guys, on the other hand, will try to do the least amount of work as possible on their costumes (I fall into this category). If you are looking for a simple Halloween costume, just wear a white shirt and write “GO CEILINGS” on it. You will have the simplest ceiling fan costume ever. The only constant is that kid who still is way too excited to dress as a girl on Halloween.
The other topic I want to touch on is the actually scary part of Halloween. Personally, haunted hayrides or the themed dinners every year in the Marketplace don’t scare me like they did when I was younger. I’m not sure why though, maybe it’s because behind all the make-up and tarnished bloody clothing, I know there is a middle-aged bald man who is taking his volunteer job way too seriously.
Even scary movies have become so over the top and predictable that they are almost comical. For example, I thought “Paranormal Activity” was one of the year’s best comedies.
Now, I am not saying I don’t get scared. I have been on ghost hunts before, and my pants have been wetter than a newborn’s diaper. But when Joe Scarecrow is trying to spook me with his plastic chainsaw and vintage hockey mask, I see right through it. Once you find out something is fake, it kind of ruins the entire experience, like Santa Claus or Pamela Anderson’s breasts.
I don’t want to sound like a Halloween Grinch (what is it with all the Christmas references?) because Halloween can be a fun holiday. It has been a large part of the American culture and great memories are made with our closest friends each year. So I hope everyone has a safe and fun Halloween. And remember to not drink too much candy. I mean eat too much candy. Wait, no, I mean drink too much alcohol.
