Let’s be honest: as the end of the semester and finals approach, everyone’s brains could use a break. This semester, this author has explored a variety of heated debate topics which have sparked conversation and pitted friends against each other with a variety of crucial questions. This week, however, this author analyzes a more lighthearted question—one which does not (hopefully) threaten relationships during this most stressful time. In pursuit of deep truths about the universe, this author asks: how would a giraffe wear a tie?
In recent years, curious minds everywhere have begun to wonder: how would animals wear clothes? If the world had evolved differently and our four-legged friends wore clothes, how would a dog wear pants? How would a giraffe wear a tie? Though likely not a practical or testable question, the debate over animal accessories is one which may provide some finals week fun.
The ways in which a giraffe may wear a tie boil down to two viable options. With such a long neck, would a giraffe wear a tie closer to their head, or would it be more fashionable to place a tie at the base of the neck? In considering this debate, there are pros and cons for each option; however this author must take the side that the tie belongs at the base of the neck.
The first question to resolve in this debate is whether a giraffe would follow the same fashion rules as a human, especially given their striking physical differences. On a human, ties are fitted under the collar of a shirt, at the base of the neck near the shoulders. This would be the equivalent of placing a tie at the base of the giraffe’s neck. If a human were to wear a tie closer to their chin (almost like a choker necklace), this would be the equivalent of a giraffe wearing a tie at the top of their neck. Therefore, if we apply the same rules used by humans to giraffes, it is obvious a tie would belong at the base of the giraffe’s neck. (Perhaps a more complex question would be where a giraffe would wear a choker necklace?) However, though this logic provides a quick solution to the debate at hand, it is this author’s job to explore all avenues in determining an ultimate solution.
If we disregard the clear solution provided by applying human rules to this situation, there is still much to explore. There are distinct pros and cons, from the giraffe perspective, of wearing a tie closer to the top of the neck. Higher up, the tie wouldn’t lay flat and could easily get in the way on windy days. Having a piece of fabric constantly moving out of the corner of one’s eye may also be quite annoying, especially for a giraffe on the lookout for food. On the other hand, having the tie closer to the face would allow the giraffe to appreciate the color and design of the garment—provided giraffes have a sense of style at all.
Placing the tie closer to the base of the neck poses its own host of potential problems and advantages. At this spot, the tie would be out of the way: neither a tripping nor a visual hazard. However, a giraffe with a tie closer to the shoulders would be unable to see it and therefore would not be able to appreciate the pattern and style of the tie. Naturally, it may be challenging to select the perfect tie for a giraffe given their bright coloring and patterns which could clash easily with the accessory. Therefore, one would want to be able to fully appreciate a good tie when one can.
Overall, the question of how a giraffe would wear a tie does not seem to be a complex nor vitally important question to answer. Although it does not reveal key truths about the universe or answer long-held philosophical questions, this debate is valuable for the way it may spark conversation and curiosity among college students. So, next time an awkward silence hits or someone is stressed over finals, this question may be the key to breaking the ice.
