Perhaps you noticed this strange phenomenon earlier than I, but I distinctly remember a time when everyone started their sentences with “I think.” I think we should sit over there. I think he’s just having a bad day. I think we should get started. The emphasis was on thoughts and logical ideas.
Recently, however, everyone has been feeling. I feel like we should sit over there. I feel like he’s having a bad day. I feel like we should get started. I can only speak for myself, and the handful of people with whom I’ve discussed this, but this seems like a fairly recent phenomenon. I started noticing it in late 2012, and it has been haunting me ever since.
There are, of course, times when it is correct to “feel.” When one is discussing one’s emotions or visceral reactions to something, “I feel” would be appropriate. “I’m not sure why, but I feel like she’s lying to us.” “I feel like we need chocolate before we do this.” Obviously, there is no logical thought process which would lead one to believe in the absolute need for chocolate at any given time. It’s a strong craving or desire, not a literal need. Therefore, “I feel” would be appropriate.
Deciding whether or not to wear a jacket is definitely a “think” instance. If, in your years of experience with cold weather, you have discovered a temperature range which is uncomfortable without extra clothing, then extra clothing is required when the temperature is within that range. If you look out your window and see snow on the ground, there is no “feeling” involved. Your brain is processing the image, remembering how that frozen substance has affected you in the past and reacting accordingly. Give your brain some credit. Use “I think.”
If this seems nitpicky and obsessive to you, you’re missing the big picture. The way we communicate with one another is almost entirely dependent on our word choice. “I think you’re being a real jerk right now,” is completely different from, “I feel like you don’t value my opinion when you ignore my suggestions.” Even “I think you don’t value my opinion” differs from “I feel like you don’t value my opinion.” The “I think” sentence sounds much more combative. When one uses the phrase, “I feel,” one is assuming complete responsibility for one’s reactions. It may not be logical or true, but in my brain, that makes me feel bad. It’s not your fault. It’s how I’m reacting to it. We phrase it like that and hope the other person is kind enough to alter their behavior to suit us.
And I think that’s the root problem. The fact that we shy away from any combative language whatsoever. It is a symptom of the illness of our age. We are afraid to ruffle feathers. We stand in the Marketplace saying, “I don’t care. You pick,” for an egregious amount of time because no one wants to be the one to make a decision about where to sit.
It is admirable to want to avoid discord. You’re not choosing a table because you have a sneaking suspicion that your friend also has a table in mind, and you don’t want to appear like you’re putting yourself before them. This extreme concern for others has and will continue to serve the world well, but there are limits.
If there is any time in the course of your life in which you are free to have thoughts, it should be your college career. What is a college if not a safe haven for the nurturing of ideas and edification of the new members of society?
And yet we sit in class with our eyes averted and mouths shut because we don’t want to voice an opinion with which someone in the room might disagree. If we have the extraordinary courage to speak up, we mute our thoughts with “I don’t know,” “That’s just me,” and worst of all, “I feel.”
There is no universal law which states that anything following the phrase “I think” must be true and factual. We should stop fearing the consequences of misinterpreting the material — if we don’t give it an honest try, are we even learning anything at all?
What you’re doing by stating that you “think” something is giving value to your education and life experience by putting a little bit more confidence and credibility behind your statement. My experiences have proven this to me in the past, and I am able to connect the dots and confidently draw a new conclusion from what I have already learned.
Choose your words carefully. If you have no prior experience, no idea what you’re talking about and are speaking from a completely irrational place, by all means, use “I feel.” But if you have something to contribute and some logic to back it up, I implore you, say “I think.” Let’s become a thinking society again.
