Everyone knows that life can’t always go smoothly, a fact which may be good for advice column authors but perhaps not so great for others. When it comes to roommates in particular, cooperating in small, shared spaces can be difficult. For that reason, this week we’re going to tackle another question sent in by an anonymous reader: “how do you deal with roommate disagreements?”
Firstly, it’s important to remember that roommate disagreements are natural. Nobody can get along with others all the time, and sometimes sharing a room with another person (or more) can be a challenge. However, there are a few solutions which may help resolve disagreements peacefully. Ultimately, the goal in solving roommate issues is to maintain a friendly, positive relationship so all people involved feel respected in their personal spaces.
A good rule for arguments of any kind is to not say anything in the heat of the moment. During an argument, it can be difficult to reign in emotions, leading to sarcastic comments, yelling or hurtful statements. This only exacerbates problems between roommates. Instead, take a deep breath and stay calm. Remember to think things through, even though it may be tempting to say something carelessly. Stepping away from the situation or venting to a trusted friend are good ways to clear your head and gain a new perspective. This shows a level of maturity and understanding others can appreciate and fosters respect between peers.
While staying calm may require you to remove yourself from the situation, it also isn’t helpful to ignore issues entirely. Suffering in silence only allows issues to grow, so it’s always a good idea to talk through problems. These conversations should generally be discrete and calm. Avoid judgmental tones and accusing language. For example, instead of saying “you make too much of a mess,” try “I feel like we should work on keeping our space organized.” This makes these conversations feel like a team effort, not an accusation or a “me-against-you” situation.
As you try to solve a disagreement, it’s important to remember to be flexible in finding accommodations which can help the dorm environment. Some disagreements can be solved by talking it out, but others require action. Remember to be receptive to a roommate’s suggestions and be ready with your own. If it’s something minor, like forgetting to turn off the lights, the solution could be as simple as being aware of that in the future. Other issues may require further teamwork, like establishing a routine for chores. Other accommodations could be small, like using a book light to read late at night instead of keeping the lights on, or bigger, like separating shared spaces (such as a mini fridge) to cut down on arguments.
If none of the above advice helps or the problem escalates to something conversation just can’t help, it’s time to take the issue elsewhere. Talk to your RA for help mediating conflict and finding ways to permanently resolve recurring issues. In most cases, roommate conflict can be resolved with patience, flexibility and communication, but unfortunately, more intervention may be necessary in some cases. Having these conversations may be difficult, but in the long run are worth it for a peaceful personal space!
