Students have been asking for more efficient ways to get to their classes for ages, and finally the Elizabethtown College campus has produced a solution. There has been a demolition of the sidewalks on campus, with their new replacement being a river where students can boat to get wherever they want to go. Aside from the high amount of practicality involved in such a change, campus administrators were inspired by the beautiful Italian architecture of Venice, Italy. They expect that this will cause higher enrollment rates due to the uniqueness of such a feature and the atmosphere it adds to the campus.
First-year Nicholas Jacobs boasted about his experiences with the river pathways thus far. “Picture this: I get my schedule at the beginning of the semester, and I got classes all over the place. I’m making it to these classes by the bell,” he said. “Then suddenly, overnight it changes, of course at first I’m with everyone else; I’m like what’s going on. I’m like this can’t be good for us, it’s nonsense, but what I found out is not only [is] rowing and swimming a lot more fun than I ever gave it credit for but it’s also an incredible exercise. Sure, I’m showing up to my classes drenched in sweat or river water, but I’m there on time and I feel incredible. This is a major upside for students’ health and well-being. All I can say is the fellas up there are making good choices.”
Such a change may be especially exciting to those involved in choir or those with a talent for music as they may be paid to sing someone along the river with or without an instrument. Although the jobs created by the river are not exclusively appealing and marketing to the students, proud Italian and former Spanish professor Sean Di Renzo, wanted to set his employment record straight. “I would love to be a gondola driver. I once had a dream about that and I love living that dream,” he said. This change has been seen with multiple faculty members in various departments as few can stay away from the allure of fulfilling their dream and living a new life.
Though not everyone is on board with the different mode of transportation. Junior Ellie Barley has taken a prominent stand against the changes being made to campus. “I’m very against the new waterways in place of the sidewalks because I had to go out of my way to buy a canoe and a paddle,” they said. “Then when I bump into someone I go into the water and I’m soaking wet and there goes my $8 coffee from the Blue Bean. I have so much muscle in one arm. The other one is weak and wimpy. I look like a mutant from the hit anime movie ‘Akira.’”
There could also be issues with the campus becoming water-logged considering that the Italian area, Venice, that this is based off has been sinking and will eventually be exclusively in the water. There was no research conducted before the massive change, which implies that no one should be worried in the slightest. Current students can thus enjoy their time in the water, as these rivers may have formed eventually.
Although students may not know how to feel about the changes yet, over time they will be able to adjust and expand their mind to the European-inspired changes. Perhaps they will even be followed by the inclusion of a standard kiss on the cheek as a greeting or beginning to drive on the opposite side of the road.
