Rumors have spread around the communications department about why some faculty members are “remote” for the semester, if they are even still teaching.

In fact, former associate professor Dr. Colin Helb recently quit his job at Elizabethtown College to pursue his passion of being a rocket scientist. According to Helb, this has been a dream of his for “about a week and a half” now.

While this may be a recent discovery for himself, it does not seem to come as a surprise to his students. Junior Rachel Little said she had a strong suspicion that Helb was meant to be more than a professor. While her first guess would have been a musician, rocket scientist was a close second.

Little said, “he was always doing weird things in the communications department. One day I found him sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the audio editing suite floor soldering.”

Helb has known that teaching was not a long-term career for him. Despite weekly realizations that being a professor involves dealing with students, he did not consider other careers until Aug. 27, 2018. According to Helb, this is “the day Jessica Freels began her illustrious career at Elizabethtown College and I realized I had nothing to teach her. Her success is my failure.”

Helb now works for a Nigerian prince, who requested anonymity as being named could put the entire program at risk. He did disclose, however, that Helb was hired to head the Rocket Science Department at a startup the prince named Tesla.

This job includes a few different responsibilities, including running their Instagram account (where his years as a communications professor may come in handy) and hiring Wookiee co-pilots.

However, his main responsibility is in line with Helb’s area of expertise: “the things on the back of the rocket that make the fiery stuff come out.”

Helb also sits on a co-op board with Canadian musician Claire Elise Boucher, better known by her stage name Grimes. Boucher is married to businessman Elon Musk, who is commonly mistaken as one of Helb’s new co-workers. However, Helb was quick to disprove this conspiracy.

When it comes to leaving in the middle of the semester, Helb says he does not think anyone has noticed. “I pre-recorded all of my Zoom lectures,” he said. “I mean, no one has noticed [associate professor Dr.] Matt Telleen has literally not taught a class since 2015, so I think I’m safe.”

Students assumed Helb’s remote teaching was due to the pandemic, but it seems it is all a ruse to allow him to find his dream job.

Despite the job transition being a little costly, Helb looks forward to his new career path. “The initial costs I’ve had to cover have completely drained my son’s college fund, but I feel really good about it,” he said.

Keep an eye out for Helb’s work in the future. The very far future that is, when Captain James T. Kirk is born March 22, 2233 and “Star Trek” becomes our new reality.