As of late, a major crisis has swept across the Elizabethtown College campus: all Etown professors have been replaced by AI-generated robots! Many questions have arisen as a result of this shocking development. In search of the seedy underbelly of this issue, one of the ousted professors, Nicole Shoemaker, shared the scoop on why robots have become tools of academia and what she is doing now that she has been replaced by the descendants of WALL-E.
When asked why the College has replaced its faculty with robots, Shoemaker said, “They figured it would be more efficient. Students’ skills could be incorporated into the programming of the robots this way, making learning a smooth process between robot and student. These robots also eliminate human needs, like hunger and thirst, so they can work all day and all night without stopping. Ultimately, the change was made for efficiency reasons.” Apparently, Etown was tired of dealing with sleepy, drooling academics who just wanted to go home and binge-watch old seasons of “The Bachelor,” so they eliminated human needs altogether. Is this change genius or sinister?
Shoemaker had more to say in reaction to this change. “Having dealt with students for upwards of 20 years, I’m interested to see how AI will manage the many issues that arise when working with students. How will they handle it?” she said. The answer as to how AI robots will replace the humanity and capability of human teachers remains unknown.
Finally, Shoemaker shared what she’ll be doing now that her job has been taken from her by a robot akin to that of Karen Plankton from “Spongebob Squarepants.” To this, she answered with a cavalier attitude, “I’ll learn to rock climb. Why not?” Many may be wondering what other professors will do now that they have no jobs and if the local job market suffers due to the drop in employment. So many questions remain regarding this conundrum.
In response to this news, one student commented, “It’s pretty cool, but how will it work?”
Another raised a similar question, “Is it going to be like online school during COVID? I don’t get it.”
However, another interviewee stated, “It might be beneficial to us as students. Robots don’t make mistakes.”
An interesting point of view on the more positive side of the reactions to the change. When an education major was asked about the switch to AI tech from real educators, she said, “Nothing can replace the real thing. Teachers have emotions and skills that AI-generated robots will never be able to mimic. Robots are cold, while us teachers are warm and human, which helps us connect to students. I think this was a big mistake.”
In sum, this development has left dozens of professors jobless and wondering what to do next. There seems to be no concrete answer, and we have yet to observe how the robots will actually behave in academic settings. Inquiries remain in this writer’s mind: will students succeed? Will instruction be more efficient, or unfeeling and cold? Was this a mistake of gigantic proportions? What will former Etown professors do now? The reality is that, no matter what questions you may have, this switch will no doubt affect every member of the Etown community, both in and out of the classroom. With the growth of technology in our contemporary society, it seems that technology is starting to beat us, down to taking the jobs of hardworking American citizens.
