It seems every year the divide between students’ and professors’ diction and language grows, and it’s become noticeable even between cohorts. The truth of the matter is, the slang of the younger generations is becoming much too hard for some to fully comprehend. So, in order to combat this unfortunate separation, the College plans to offer a new course referred to simply as the “Gen Alpha Language Course.” This bold decision by the college has completely split the campus, and to accommodate this split,The Etownian chose to split this story into two translations for easy reading and comprehension.
Under 20 Translation:
Elizabethtown College has started to cook, okay? Period. To all you zesty boys and girls with that main character energy, this is your opportunity to pop off and claim an easy victory royal. Next fall, don’t be sus and take the “Gen Alpha Language Course.” If you can read this it will probably be low-key easy. Fam, I’m telling you, this class will pass the vibe check, the material should slap frfr. If you are looking for a way to get some lore, this may be the course for you, so far it’s giving pass-or-fail vibes for the young bucks. One student who goes by the alias Nolan Yost was strongly in favor of this class. In fact, across this campus, the one they call Yost seems to be the resident expert in this specific subject.
“Yo fam im loving the idea of taking this class. I can’t wait to learn about the skibidi toilet lore and start giving out fanum taxes to all the beta wolves.” Yost said. What this quote means I cannot even begin to comprehend, I can only assume this grouping of words supports the idea of a new course.
Over 20 Translation:
Elizabethtown College is moving forward with a new course geared toward lessening the divide between students and faculty alike. The course titled “Gen Alpha Language Course” will open the eyes of the majority of the population to the developing language of the younger generations. It seems every day and on every platform, new words and phrases appear from the thin air and seem to stick for multiple reasons. Some of these terms even completely lack definition, adding a whole layer of complexity to the new course. When developing the course and taking in information from all varieties of sources, one may wonder what this course may look like. While I am sure many professors and students may leave this course with a new sense of understanding and overall comprehension, it makes one wonder what the future of this country may look like. To quote Steve Buscemi in “Spy Kids 2,” “Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he’s created?” One student on campus was very strongly opposed to even the idea of a course of this nature and this course material. His outright contempt for the opportunity was reflected when he came to me with a statement: “Kids these days will never know true fear. Like the fear felt when Slenderman is outside. Skibidi Toilet is nothing!” Camdyn Buohl, a second-year biochemistry major said.
This new course also leads one to ponder the potential outcomes of a course of this nature. Could there be nursing home residents taking the food of their peers claiming the “fanum tax”? Will professors be expected to griddy and approach lectures with other newfound terms and diction to accommodate their younger students? Will the Bowers Center offer new evening classes on things such as mewing? We may never know.
